"Mr. Mom"

In my opinion, early September is one of the best times for golf. The temperature drops a bit. The leaves drop. And most of the golf prices drop. So how could I pass up a round of golf while waiting for a customer who changed an appointment from 11:30 to 2:00. Perfect! I can get a quick round of golf in.

Glendale is a course in the middle of the Salt Lake valley. It's one of the more mature courses around and for $26 for 18 holes, a great deal. The majority of pass holders and everyday players at Glendale are a more mature group as well, but as dedicated and loyal as one could be.

I loaded my clubs onto the cart, I don't golf for excercise, and headed to the first tee. Hole number one is a 540 yard dead straight par 5 from the tips. I thought for a moment that I was going to be a single until I spotted middle aged Mike running to the tee with his clubs. He obviously does golf for exercise. From the looks of him I can tell he's a golfer, or at least he golfs a lot. Tan skin. Worn glove. Nice clubs. But then I spot it. The two iron. That's the dead give away. Never bet against someone who can hit a two iron. You'll probably lose. We exchange pleasantries and he asks me which tees I would prefer. I answer and tell him this is only my second time playing the course and the honors are his. He tells me he is a solid 3 and prefers to play the tips. I like the confidence and say "Sounds good to me." And then the disclaimer. (See post "semi-pro" for the definition of the disclaimer) It never fails. he says, "I've played golf everyday this week and am feeling kind of burned out. I'm also going through a swing change." Grrreeeeaaaat! You are a solid 3 and you're going through a swing change? Burned out? From the worn out shoes to the pre-cancerous blemishes on your cheeks I would say its too late for that no? Oh well I knew the disclaimer was coming. Maybe I would bet against him! Secretly I did. He teed up his ball. His approach was decent. His swing actually was pretty solid. His drive started down the right side and turned over quite nicely with a slight draw and ended up in the middle of the fairway about 285 yards. "Impressive", I said. "I've been working on that draw." He proudly stated. I stepped up and hit a decent drive down the left side bouncing 3 times and ending up in the light rough...typical. I wish they would make driving ranges with rough to hit out of instead of fairway. How many times actually do we find ourselves in the fairway for our second shot. Doesn't it make sense to practice hitting out of the rought since that is where we end up 90% of the time? Anyway...I found myself almost throwing out a disclaimer of my own but caught myself. Whew! Mike's second shot was as impressive as his drive. It followed the fairway on the right side bouncing up onto the green and ending up 20 feet from the pin for a chance at eagle. My shot came up short. I chipped on, two putted for par. Mike's putt was short but he tapped in for a birdie. I figured I had my work cut out for me.

On the #2 tee box I started asking the questions I usually ask to get to know someone in hopes that they might give me something for the blog. It usually starts with "What do you do for a living?" Mike predeeded to tell me that his wife had a great job working for a bank and he stayed home and played "Mr. Mom" taking care of the household chores of cooking and cleaning. After furthur investigation, the aforementioned "Mr. Mom" tasks are what Mike's wife thinks he does. On hole number #8 he told me his actual schedule below:
7:00 am - Wake up
8:00 am - Take his son Tanner to school, stopping at McDonald's on the way for breakfast.
8:30 am - 18 holes at Glendale with the men's league
12:00 noon - Lunch at the clubhouse
12:30 pm - Play as many holes as possible until....
2:30 pm - Pick up Tanner from school, hustles home to get as much cleaning done before the wife gets home.

He also proudly addmitted that he also sells odds and ends from around the house on ebay and uses the money to pay his buddy's girlfriend to clean the house 3 days a week. "Mike, what happended to the 13th century statuette I inherited from my Grandpa?"....."Not sure honey, what would you like for dinner?" What a man will go through for golf. It's worse than drugs. I asked him what was the one thing he sold of his wife's that if she ever found out she would kill him. It was some rare porcelain dolls her parents gave her. He said they'd been in the storage unit for years and she'd forgot about them. I asked him what would happen if she remembered. He said she'd throw him out on his a**. I guess it's worth the risk eh?

The afternoon was actually very enjoyable. Mike hit some good shots but I never did see that draw again that he bragged about on his first drive. Slowly it turned into more of a push/fade. He didn't play completely like a solid 3 but more like a lucky 7. He shot a 40, 39 for a +7. I actually played one of my best rounds with a 35, 36, -1. He told me on hole #14 that I was "pretty much kicking his a**". Better to kick than be kicked.

One of the best parts of the day was on hole #6. We had caught a twosome of elderly Asian men. They asked if we wanted to play through and we said sure. They then watch us tee off. I hit the best drive of the day. As I walked to my cart they asked me if I was a pro. I hesitated but Mike quickly said, "Yep, we both are!" picked up his bag and walked down the fairway. It was classic.

By the way, the 2 iron never made it out of the bag.