"Semi-Pro"

So it was a sunny August day. I called my Brother-in-law Noah to see if he wanted to go play golf at one of my favorite courses, Fox Hollow in American Fork. Of course he was ready and excited to go. Noah has been playing golf for about 5 years or so and has improved as well as anyone I've seen in that amount of time. He still battles an occasional fade but is a solid 8-10 handicapper and is solid from tee to green. (especially since finding his Ping Crazee putter in the weeds off of the #4 tee box at the Ranches...lucky bugger...I would have turned it into the club house). Anyway the clubhouse tells us they've put us with another two-some and I immediately think about an entry into my book. You can rarely play golf with a stranger and not find something worth writing about. We approach the tee box and expect to play the blue tees. We are greeted by a tank top wearing, tattoo sporting, mid 20 year-old guy named Mike. He excitedly shook our hands and we introduced ourselves. I asked where his partner was and he informed us he was getting a drink, (little did we know a drink was actually a twelve pack of Bud Light from the truck). We asked which tees they would like to play. I assumed from the tank top and low heal adidas tennies he was wearing that whichever tees we used, his next shot would be from the women's tees. He said he didn't care but his buddy Dave would probably want to play the tips (blacks) 'cause he was basically a semi-pro golfer. Oh boy! I knew this would be good. A semi-pro. I was either going to learn from a great golfer or I was going to have a great chapter in my book. The latter proved to be correct.
As the three of us awaited the Semi-pro on the tee, Mike proceeded to give us his "disclaimer". I have played hundreds of rounds of golf with strangers and never, not once, have I not heard a disclaimer on the first tee. A disclaimer is when a golfer lets you know before hand why this will probably be the worst round of golf they've ever played. They may have shot a 71 yesterday but they didn't have the ache in their wrist they have today. Or that was before they tweaked their left ankle while pulling their clubs out of the El Camino that morning. There is always a disclaimer and Mike's was that he had just go off the late shift at the hotel (more to come on the hotel, not until hole 16).
Noah tees off and hits a good shot down the right side of the fairway. I end up in the fairway too. Mike addresses his ball and swings away as if there are two runners on base and he must put one in the gap to score them in the bottom of the ninth. I whisper to Noah to turn his head next time and don't watch that again...its not a pretty thing. Trust me. His ball goes dead straight and ends up 3 yards in front of the women's tees. Better than I thought. Oh boy...this could be a long day. But at least his partner Dave, the semi-pro will make up for it and speed things up. Dave finally arrives, 12 pack in the back basket, takes out his driver and walks onto the tee box. From what I see I'm a believer. Nice golf shirt. Cargo shorts. New adidas golf shoes. I'm impressed. Then the first red flag. He pulls out his ball. Before teeing up we hear the disclaimer. "My friend gave me this ball and so I'm going to use it today. I think its just a novelty ball but oh well. " Are you kidding me? Its a golf ball painted like a football. It's brown dude. However, I give him the benefit of the doubt and think he must always be in the fairway because there is not way you could find that ball in the rough. (He also adds in there somewhere that he shot a 68 the day before. I think he said something about a bad back too) As he approaches the ball, the second red flag waves itself. On the top of his Taylormade R7 driver is a Baltimore Ravens sticker. Not a clear sticker made for golf clubs. It's one of those you get in the gum ball machine at Kohler's. That's not something you see on tour. Ever! Wow! Semi-pro really? The third and final red flag was his swing. Although it was much better than his counterpart Mike, it made Jim Furyk look like the poster boy for the fundamental golf swing. Starting down the left side of the fairway, the football quickly accelerated to the right side of the fairway with a nasty slice and landed in the fairway of #10. The worst shot on #1 I've ever seen at Fox Hollow. Fortunately it ended up in a fairway or the brown ball would have been lost. Unfortunately the ball met it's fate on the 3rd hole when again with a sweeping fade it found the right side rough and was never heard from again....that is until it was probably gobbled up by a mower. Semi-pro started off 8, 7, 5, 6, 6. He did birdie two holes on the front and show some potential. Not semi-pro potential but potential for something. Not sure what. I didn't keep score for Mike. I figured it would just be easier to score him based on how many balls he lost. I counted 13 after 5 holes and then figured I'd save pencil lead and stopped keeping track.
I heard Mike tell Dave on #6 that he was hoping to get on with the Grizzlies this year. Not meaning to pry I asked which Grizzlies. "The Salt Lake Grizzlies hockey team. I'm a semi-pro hockey player", he said. Visions of Happy Gilmore came to mind. Enough said.
As we made the turn, Mike and Dave disappeared for a bit. They finally met us on the tee with a new 12 pack of Bud Light.
On the #10 green, which Dave reached in 2 shots, impressive, I noticed his large tattoo on his right calf. It was a large Asian symbol of some sort. The same you see on a lot of the NBA guy's arms. Most of the time they mean something like, "Passion" or "Determination" or "Valor". So I asked him what his meant. He quickly said. "I have no idea. I passed out at a party in college. Woke up the next day and had this on my calf. I've asked every Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese and Asian person I've ever met and no one knows!" It took 3 more holes and 2 bogies to stop laughing at that one. I know what it means. It means, "I passed out at a party and my drunk buddies tattooed this on my calf so that I would look like an idiot when someone asked me what it meant." Funny Funny
On hole number #14, I said something to Noah in spanish. He went to Peru on his mission and I went to Spain. We often will say things in spanish to each other for fun. Semi-Pro hockey player Mike recognized the spanish and asked where we served our missions and then proceeded to let us know he served hi mission in LA, spanish speaking and got back a few years ago. I guess he'd been back long enough to add a few tattoos to his collage, pierce his nose, golf in tank tops and use some form of profanity in almost every sentence he spoke. You learn something everyday.
Now back to hole #16 I referred to earlier. The conversation turned to work and what each of us did for a living. Mike said he was working at the La Quinta in Orem but this was his last week before he started playing hockey again. He told us he could get us a killer deal even free since he was leaving. He said, "In fact last night, I told a guy he could have a suite for $50 bucks instead of $150. He gave me a $50 dollar bill and I booked it. I pocketed the $50 bucks too." Unbelievable. His last sentence capped off an entertaining day of golf and gave Noah and I something to talk about for years to come. He said "I may be going to Hell but I'm going $50 bucks richer!"
Noah shot an 84
I shot a 78
I think Mike lost a good 20 balls.
and Semi Pro Dave shot a solid 95, but I bet he shot 67 the next day.